|Hope whizzes down that flat black driveway next to that darn perfect grass underneath the patriotic flagpole in front of the most amazing house.
See, when you’ve been living somewhere like Uganda for 3.5 years, certain things become normal. And then when you come back to your own culture, you realise that in fact you’re the abnormal one. Let me try bring it to life for you. Here’s my thoughts over the last 24 hours.
- Everyone and everything is SO clean.
- Goodness gracious this place is ridiculously orderly. Where is everyone?
- Man that girls skirt is high.
- Lock the doors. Especially the boot so no one can grab a suitcase and run.
- These cars are ginormous. Seriously who needs a truck that size?!
- Why are you staying in this traffic Carl? There’s a huge grassy area to the left you should just whip up the side.
- Since when did road signs have restaurants logos on them telling you which restaurants are at this turn off?
- There is literally one person in each vehicle. Max, 2. Why don’t people carpool?
- Man that woman looks comfy sitting in her air conditioned car right now, sipping on her latte and chatting with her friend in her 4x4. Oh look, she’s pulling off the road to buy a donut. Of course she is.
- Man, this neighborhood is stunning. These houses are like out of a movie.
- This driveway is so flat, the grass is so green and everything is perfect.
- This house has carpet that looks like one gigantic rug. Usually, you would have a shaggy pile rug but these people have their entire house in this soft, plush carpet. And it’s white. Shock horror.
- We need to allow at least 15 minutes to run the bath for the kids and allow it to heat up (water speed resembles a drip and I usually forget to turn the water heater on). Oh wait, no we don’t.
- My children have left a ring of red dust around the perimeter of the bath water and we left Uganda three days ago. #bonedeep
- This couch is ridiculously comfortable. And it has a lever where I can put my feet out. Oh yeahhhh.
- This kitchen sink is absolutely gorgeous.
- Their fridge is incredible. Everything I could ever want is in this fridge right now.
- Out of the shower. Straight onto a bathmat that feels so soft I can barely handle it. There are three of them in the bathroom. And that shower was PIPING hot.
- These sheets are so freakin’ soft that I can’t get into my normal sleeping position because my knees are slipping on them! I prefer sheets with bobbly bits on them for the grit.
- It’s 4am, I cant sleep. Lets have a look in that fridge. Queso (cheese dip with nachos). Tick.
- Yes, I’d like to try that Cinnamon Swirl bagel. Let me get a knife to cut it in half. Oh wait, it’s pre-cut!
- Must stop using my car horn. This is inappropriate.
Here's to the next 24 hours.