Things I miss....by guest blogger Caroline Smellie

My friend Carolyn Smellie in Mbarara recently wrote a blog about what she misses while living here in Uganda.
I think it's a clever, funny round up that applies to us too! You can see more of her blogs here...

I Miss...

Everyone who moves to the mission field experiences some sense of loss. There are things that we all miss and give up to be here. Some things are more significant, like the birth, death, or marriage of a family member or close friend. Having your children grow up near their cousins. Participating in family reunions. Other things are much more trivial. It's not unusual for people to move to Uganda and crave things like Chick-fil-A and Dr. Pepper. Some miss the fast internet speeds and unlimited downloads. 

At this point, my list of things that I miss looks a little different:

One stop shops... specifically, Target. Yes, Uganda has some very creative convenience combinations, like a car wash with your dinner or a pedicure at the gas station, but it's just not the same. On average, it takes three locations, two phone calls, and one boda ride to get all my shopping done for the week.

Being anonymous. This is a big one for me. I miss being able to blend in and go unnoticed. As soon as I step out of my compound gate, I have to be "on" and aware of the fact that I'm always being watched, often being singled out, and sometimes being followed. How do I cope? It involves a combination of sunglasses to give me a sense of privacy, an ipod playing to drown out the comments, and an umbrella to block the stares.

Sidewalks. I appreciate the pedestrian culture in Uganda, but there are no official provisions made for it in Mbarara. Sidewalks can only be found in town, and even then, you have to watch out for the bodas that drive up and down or park in the middle of them.

City noise ordinances. There's a sports stadium (a.k.a. grassy field with a set of bleachers), a large boys' boarding school, various bars with huge loud speakers, and an event grounds right at the bottom of our hill. Because of science and the incredible amphitheater effect, we get all sorts of music blasted right up the hill and into our apartment building all hours of the day and night.  And then there are the neighbor dogs... I listen to this soundtrack on repeat every day.

Customer service. Now, this can be deceiving on first appearances. In your average grocery store, there's usually a 1:1 ratio of workers to aisles. They sit on a stool in the aisle or walk behind you, at close range, as you shop. It does seem like it could be helpful to have so many employees just hanging around waiting to help. Sometimes I can't find the product I need, and sometimes I ask an employee if they know where it is, and I alwaysregret this. 

The truth is, though the employees are more than willing to help, they don't usually know what it is they're looking for. To their credit, they've probably never tried or heard of many products the store stocks, and the stock is constantly changing. Since many of the products are imported from China and Dubai, the purchaser will bring over a few of each item to see how they sell. This means a constantly changing and always random assortment of products that don't have an official spot in the store or known use to the employees. So when I ask for "ginger ale" or "brown rice," they'll make a valiant effort to search the whole store. But if I couldn't find it on my own, it's not there.

Seasons marking time. While I don't particularly miss scraping ice off windshields or the suffocating humidity, I do miss the changing of season and how they help mark the passage of time. Is it July or December? It all feels and looks the same here!

Outdoor baptism in December? Why not!

4th of July picnic

Systems and structures that allow for productivity. I don't tend to think about things like road maintenance, quality control, law enforcement, and general organization until something goes wrong. I didn't realize how much predictability and comfort these systems and structures provide for the average citizen until they were severely lacking. Apart from high school government classes, I'd never spent much time thinking about what it would be like to establish a country, create and enforce laws, build and maintain infrastructure that serves its citizens, and ensure that everything flows well and makes sense in the bigger picture. And then I moved to Uganda and starting thinking about it all the time.  

A vehicle and the freedom it brings. Though driving here brings its own set of stresses (see "systems and structures," or lack thereof) it's great to be able to pop into town or over to the grocery store without too much hassle (see "being anonymous"). On rare occasions, I get to ride in a friend's air-conditioned vehicle and put all my shopping bags in the trunk rather than walking in the hot sun and then calling a boda to help carry my things home. Those rare occasions are a real treat!

In Luke 14, Jesus tells his disciples to count the cost of following him. He describes our Kingdom work as being like building and battle. He says, "Sit down and see if you can afford to follow me." Living in Uganda has certainly caused me to count the costs of following Jesus numerous times, yet it always comes down to this: He Is Worth It.

Introducing Rwanwanja

Last week on Uganda’s Independence Day I had the privilege of driving a brand new team of Tutapona staff out to Rwamwanja refugee settlement in western Uganda. 

I’d never driven this road before and was pleasantly surprised by the scenery as we headed due north from Mbarara. I could have been driving through NZ’s King country with the steep, lowly populated hills except for the lack of sheep. The settlement itself is made up of 51,000 Congolese refugees and is two and a half years old. The inhabitants have fled from the very complex and violent war that started in the eastern DRC in 1996 and is still going today. Needless to say there is a lot of need there for trauma rehabilitation work.

Our new team is led by David who has spear-headed many of our new initiatives at Tutapona, including some work in South Sudan a couple of years back. The other two men are new staff, Doddy and Silas. Doddy is a talented musician who has produced a number of hit singles.  You can have a look at a one of them here.

While he’s singing in Luganda you can still get a good sense of the quality of his voice. Needless to say the Tutapona morning devotions in Rwamwanja are exceptionally melodious! Up until now Silas has been volunteering with us at another refugee settlement and has shown a high level of commitment to the work. All three of these guys are passionate about helping traumatised people with our Empower programme.

This new team is the result of a partnership Tutapona has just entered into with Samaritan’s Purse. SP are now supporting us to run our Empower trauma rehabilitation courses in Rwamwanja and two other refugee settlements. This is an exciting development as it has allowed us to expand our staff and to reach people in new places.

As I drove south again I was extremely conscious that these guys (and our other staff around the country) live and work in some quite challenging places. Please pray for David and the team as they get settled into this new and remote settlement and as they begin their work. I’m confident that God will work through them to bring hope to people in great need of it.

-Tim-

An Open Letter to a First Time Mother (from a first time mother seven and a half months in)

Many of you have kindly been asking how I’ve found motherhood so far! Well friend, unlike many mothers given nine months to prepare, I was given a mere nine minutes before I met my daughter to be. With not even so much as a bottle, diaper, book or toy to my name, it’s safe to say I was thrown into the deep end. So here’s my feeble attempt at trying to describe it through an ‘Open letter to a first time mother’ (from a first time mother seven and a half months in.)

Dear First Time Mother,

 Well, here you are. On the cusp of something magnificent. With a little bit of hope and a dash of trepidation mixed into a cocktail full of surprises. Don’t worry friend, I’ve got your back. Whether you’ve come to this juncture of an impending arrival by a carefully laid plan, accident, a complete shock or whatever doesn’t really matter. What matters is that soon your baby will be arriving and someone needs to give you the real down low on what to expect. Let’s get on with the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

     1.       You’ll probably have no idea what you’re doing.

Despite the fact that I’d grown up around an army of children, babysat for years and had some pretty strong opinions about how I’d be when I was a mother when it came to taking care of my own kid I had no idea what to do. It’s different when it’s your baby screaming in your face, different when your babies the one with a cold. I remember one day thinking to myself, Oh. My. Word. I’m it.  I cannot hand my child back. The proverbial buck stops with me. If I can’t get her to calm down - who will? This thought was at once satisfying and terrifying at the same time. Instead of the normal sound advice I’d usually think or give out, I had nothing. It’s like your brain just goes blank and you question even the most normal things. I often text my girlfriends around the world to find out simple answers to my ridiculous questions (they all seem to be in the know). Whether it’s about a baby toothbrush, if you can ‘pop’ a child by giving them too much to eat or if it’s normal for my child to poo four times a day, I had (and still have) no idea. I have NEVER spent more time searching Google for answers to questions in my entire life. Side note: many searches are done in the twilight hours. I’ve even been known to listen to a variety of sound bites of cough noises so I could accurately assess what kind of cough my daughter had.

2.       You’ll probably be NOTHING like what you expected to be as a Mother

From the outside looking in, motherhood looks pretty simple. Sleep, feed, burp, change, play, repeat. As one of the last girls in my group of girlfriends to become a Mum I’d developed some pretty strong opinions (read: judgemental/hypercritical of others) around how I’d be doing things. I thought I’d be extremely strict, have a rigid schedule, believe in letting kids cry themselves to sleep and never pandering to my child. Reality check. I am a complete melting moment of a Mother. When my child cries I can’t stand it! It sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me. Speaking of which, if you’re anything like me you may hear you child’s ‘cry’ in everything from a fan to a bird outside. It’s all part of being on high alert as a first time mother. I also find cheeky things she does funny not naughty. Terrible, I know. Sure, I’m still the same organised person but I’ve learnt quickly to be flexible to keep sane. Part of that is the very nature of living and raising your child in Africa and part of it is just releasing ‘control’.  

3.       You’ll probably freak out over perfectly normal things.

It’s fair to say that for those first few weeks I was certainly on ‘high alert’.  Like really high. In fact I slept between 15-30 minutes the first few nights because I was convinced those little rustling noises, sighs and deep breaths were signs she was dying in my care and under my watch. We didn’t have anything for her to sleep in during those days so instead she slept in bed with me (something I would not recommend for the light sleeper/first time anxious mother). Imagine us in bed, her (and Tim) peacefully sleeping, me looking like an owl on a caffeine binge just staring at her closed eyelids. Even today, seven safe months in, I still find myself constantly checking on her to see if she’s breathing. Then there was the time she got a cold at 8 weeks old. I panicked. Completely stressed out about her sneezing and runny nose I literally blamed almost everyone and anyone that knew her for infecting my innocent daughter and proceeded to initiate Operation Lock Down. I’ve since read that it’s perfectly normal for babies to get 6 colds in the first year and so with four down and five months to go, I’m feeling much more relaxed. And it sounds ridiculous to say it now, but I remember when Hope did her first hiccup. I was so concerned I text best friend in the middle of her night for advice. ‘Is it normal for a newborn to hiccup for ten minutes’? Apparently yes. Yes, it is.

     4.       You’ll probably make mistakes

I remember the first time I took Hope for a walk, she was four weeks old. We’d been loaned an awesome Jeep pram by our friends with all the bells and whistles required for taking her on the rock like terrain that is Uganda. I felt so happy and proud to be taking my little girl out into the big wide world for a first-hand look. As we arrived back into our compound and I went to close the gate I saw out of the corner of my eye Hope and her pram rolling down a small hill and to my absolute shock and horror it tipped carrying my precious tiny bundle onto our gravel driveway. Worst mother ever! I had forgotten prams had brakes and that you should put them on whenever you’re not touching the pram. Suffice to say she was miraculously resilient, and was shielded by the bull bar type shape of the pram with no injuries. I on the other hand was completely mortified and quickly looked around to see if anyone was looking.

5.       You’ll probably uncover your selfish side

I can’t even begin to tell you how many midnight prayers have been whispered to heaven that she’d stop crying  and go back to sleep.  I don’t want to get up.  Also often times I don’t want to read the same book over and over for the seventh time today. And don’t even get me started on how little free time I have. Before I had a baby if I wanted to go to a pool, sunbathe and read my magazine - I could! For hours, and hours. Those days of sleeping in, whipping out to the mall and watching movies late into the night are on hold. Nowdays, If I want to do that I need to arrange it about a month in advance, prepare all the necessary things Hope will need for the afternoon, sweet talk my husband into my plan and then spend the two or three hours I have to myself at said pool thinking about how on earth he’s washing the bottles out.

6.       You’ll probably be overwhelmed by love

The word overwhelmed really sums it up for me. No one can prepare you for how much you’ll love your child. It’s a different love to how I feel for my husband or even my own family members. It comes from a place so deep I can’t bear to describe it. No 26 letters could ever describe how I feel about her. I’ve found it comes in surges. Sometimes I look at her from a distance or put her to bed at night and it hits me like a thousand electric volts. On another note, no-one can prepare you for how much others will love your child. Family mainly, but friends too. People everywhere overwhelm you with their generosity, kindness and thoughtfulness. My best friend sent me 4kgs worth of everything a little girl born in Uganda could ever want. For a shopaholic like myself, it was the second best day of 2014 (next to Hope being born).

7.       You’ll probably feel guilty

When I was a teenager I remember reading in magazines about mothers that felt guilty and never understanding that. What on earth do they have to feel guilty about? Now I don’t know if it’s a first time insecure mother thing but I constantly find myself feeling guilty. Guilty for not spending enough time with my daughter. Guilty for not reading every relevant baby website on the internet to find out the best foods/books/clothes/sleeping positions etc to make her healthier/smarter/happier. Guilty for being a working mother and not spending every waking hour together. I’m working through this. I’ve got no solutions yet.

   8.       You’ll probably stop judging

I don’t judge other mothers anymore. Ever. Every single mother I personally know is a good one. And we’re all just trying our hardest to do the best we can. Regardless or not of whether we do things exactly the same doesn’t matter. What does is being kind, open minded and understanding.

   9.       You’ll probably be really thankful

Like all the time. Personally, I thank God but regardless if you’re into him or not, I’ve found thankfullness to be the hallmark of motherhood. I am beyond thankful to be a mother. Hand on my heart not a day has gone by in seven months where I have taken her for granted or not thanked God for her.

First Time Mother – get ready for one hilarious adventure of discovery and delight. You’re going to LOVE it.

Sincerely,

A first time mother seven and a half months in (the half’s count)

Some fascinating stats

Recently I was on the Orphans Aid Website.  We have some friends here in Uganda working with them. The stats they have on their site show where Uganda sits in relation to New Zealand on a number of fascinating points. The one that always stands out for me the post is that almost 50% of Uganda is under the age of 15! You can click on the graphic to see it bigger.

Can we defeat poverty?

Meet Enid

Meet Enid. “In 1994 I was 14 years old and living in Rwanda during the genocide. One day some people came and told us that our village and entire family needed to go for a meeting. As we were approaching the meeting place my Mother asked me to stop and wait for my little sister. The next thing I remember was hearing gunshots and seeing every member of my family die. I ran far away and hid myself. Since that day I have not known a parents love. That night I saw some people escaping and joined them. I had nothing to eat or anyone to talk to but I followed those people to a river and then into Tanzania. In 1996 Tanzania told me I had to go back to Rwanda but there was no one and nothing to go back to Rwanda for. I heard there were some Rwandan refugees in Uganda in a place called Nakivale and made a plan to go there. I met my husband in 1999 and we have four children together. My husband is also an orphan from the genocide but he is a good man who loves and takes care of me. Whenever I hear people discussing the idea of going back to Rwanda I feel scared and don’t sleep. I would rather die in Nakivale than go back there. Tutapona's program has helped me so much. I used to think that I was the only one with problems. I’ve learnt there are many people with even bigger problems than I have. I feel calmer now. Before I was a person of jealousy. When I saw a people having a family, I’d feel bitterness as I am alone. Because of the training I have now realised that I also have children and a family. This village, they are also my people.“